Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Why do people stay with their mates until they ultimately cheat?

As you may know, I wrote a book in November titled "To Catch a Cheat." I've been almost obsessed with WHY people decide to cheat. My question always remains, why can't you LEAVE before you cheat?

Why am I asking this today? Well, the other night, I'm watching "Cheaters" on the tele, and this girl thinks her husband is cheating on her. I won't even get into the fact that she's working and supporting his lazy, no-having-a-job ass...that's a whole other story and blog post. Cheaters finds a mess of evidence that shows her husband is cheating on her...and been bringing his trick back to the wife's place, no less. Well, the wife and Cheaters bust up in the place and catch the boyfriend and his "friend" in bed. The "friend" flees; she happens to live in the same apartment complex--easy access on the husband's part. The husband is angry. How dare she do this to him, he says. She doesn't understand him or men, he tells Cheaters after the confrontation. She's angry right now and has no right to be, he argues. He hasn't been happy in a while, he keeps saying to his wife.

And this is when I tune out everything. I've heard it numerous times on the show. Read it in books. Heard it from friends and friends of friends: I haven't been happy in a while, or I haven't been happy for a long time.

Usually the mates of these people have asked until they are blue in the face, IS SOMETHING WRONG? ARE YOU UNHAPPY? ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME? And yet, time and time again, they cheat instead of being real men and women and fessing up to their feelings.

In the end, they are STUNNED, EMBARRASSED, and PISSED off that their lies have surfaced. They can't believe their mates have stooped so low as to call Cheaters on them...or to blow their spot in some regular, non-televised way.

It's like they don't get it, and I want them to SO badly. BE a man. BE a woman. If you do not love your mate, if you do not want to be with your mate, you should talk with them. See if there is something to be salvaged, or something to walk away from. Own up to your feelings and wants. It's better to be a man or a woman and have the sadness from a failed relationship between you and your mate than to have Cheaters busting down your door or getting a shot in the ass because you lied and pissed off the wrong person.

1 comment:

That NY Poet Girl said...

gurrl, that is so reminiscent of my posting pain and power... people do what is the most convenient for them at the moment, not what is right or honest...