I still recall the first time I heard those words spoken by the then, up and coming nationally syndicated radio host, Michael Baisden, on Atlanta’s #1 urban radio station, V-103.
I clearly recall cringing and being totally outraged. I thought, “How dare he?” attempt to call out my African-American sistahs with such a catchy, yet degrading slogan. “He didn’t know us and if he did, how dare he air our dirty laundry.” I would hear his slogan passionately proclaimed time and time again as he made guest appearances on the show as his popularity grew.
If truth be told, I cringed because I knew women exactly like that. They were my friends, female family members, co-workers, etc. Over and over again, I witnessed it played out with the same end results. If you keep doing the same thing, you keep getting the same results. My sista-friends going above and beyond to please a man, any man, a piece of a man, just to feel love and validated. . . yet they were not receiving these things in return.
Each sad relationship story ended the same. After enduring some form of abuse at the hands of a lover, after she placed him on a pedestal, pleased him sexually, lavished him with gifts and money, accommodated his every need, took him back after he cheated, forgave him after he gave her an STD, believed in him once again as he had a baby outside the marriage---yes, it all ended the same. The lover moved on, found someone “better”, someone who respected herself or maybe repeated the pattern with another victim who was willing to give more and receive less.
When the inevitable question was asked between gut-racking sobs, “What did I do wrong?” The answer was always the same. I wanted to scream it from the midst of a mountaintop. “You have to love yourself first before you can expect anyone else to.”
Michael Baisden’s slogan touched a nerve because I had seen these women up close and personal and it wasn’t cute. My sistahs deserved so much more. Much like Kennedy Logan in True Confessions. Kennedy represents a myriad of women who have a heightened level of low self esteem due to many underlying factors. In True Confessions, simply stated, Kennedy loves the wrong man, Drake. She loves him more than she loves herself and he knows that, even thrives on that. I predict her story will make for lively candor at book club meetings as it speaks to many women who have been in or are still in her situation. Women need to take a step back and really look at themselves and ask the question. . . do I value my worth and all I bring to the table?
They are several factors that are clear indicators of low self-esteem. Do any of these speak to you? If so, what are you going to do about it?
Characteristics of Genuinely Low Self Esteem
- Social withdrawal
- Anxiety and emotional turmoil
- Lack of social skills and self confidence. Depression and/or bouts of sadness
- Less social conformity
- Eating disorders
- Inability to accept compliments
- An Inability to see yourself 'squarely' - to be fair to yourself
- Accentuating the negative
- Exaggerated concern over what you imagine other people think
- Self neglect
- Treating yourself badly but NOT other people
- Worrying whether you have treated others badly
- Reluctance to take on challenges
- Reluctance to put yourself first or anywhere
- Reluctance to trust your own opinion
- Expecting little out of life for yourself
Confession is good for the soul. . .
Kennedy Logan is too ashamed to reveal the truth about her steamy relationship with hot, insatiable Drake—his sweet lies and hellacious lovemaking—to anyone except her private diary...
Twenty-eight year old Kennedy Logan is gorgeous, educated, talented, and in love. Unfortunately, Drake Collins has other ideas about the true state of their relationship. Kennedy hopes to turn him around; Drake just wants to turn her out sexually. Kennedy is also searching for her biological mother, who gave her up at birth. She wants answers and she has tons of questions. The enormous weight of these predicaments leads to a failed suicide attempt.
Her overprotective and overbearing mother, Dorothy Logan, moves in with Kennedy and makes it her mission to get her daughter's life back in order. The first step is getting rid of Drake Collins once and for all, but that's easier said than done. Drake has no intentions of going anywhere. Kennedy's ever loyal and fun-loving best friend, Taylor, and her absentee father join forces to help support Kennedy in her time of need.
At her psychiatrist's advice, Kennedy uses writing as her therapy. She starts to keep a daily journal detailing the erotic circumstances and family drama that led up to her despair. Through very personal, funny, and graphic entries, readers will share her confessions. Brace yourselves for a very steamy journey!
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Electa Rome Parks lives outside Atlanta, Georgia and is the bestselling author of six acclaimed novels, The Ties That Bind, Loose Ends, Almost Doesn't Count, Ladies' Night Out, These Are My Confessions (anthology) and Diary of a Stalker. Electa is currently working on her next novel and first screenplay.