Friday, May 06, 2005

Is this the end?

No, but it's awfully damn close. Final exams are next week, so I still have to give those and grade them; however, this weekend, I am doing non-mcneese related stuff! How exciting! I even left my gradebook at school so that I wouldn't feel the urge to do something crazy.

Despite this happiness, I am a bit stressed over other things. All of them FINANCIAL. Most of them not even pertaining to MY finances. It's one of those times where there is no LIGHT at the end of the tunnel because each end has been closed off with huge boulders. I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul and shielding Mary from the travesty of it all. I don't think I have the mojo to handle the situation THIS time. I may have to concede to being a failure and having to live with it.


I'm just getting back from dinner with some of my best buds. We spent time together before they leave tomorrow. They're heading east for the funeral of best bud #1's wife. Since I learned of the death a few days ago, I've been thinking about all the familial death I've experienced. There's been many. The most traumatic by far were my grandparents' passings in 1998: my grandmother in August and my grandfather in December.

They left a hole in me that I know will never be filled. They were 2/3 of my heart and my sunshine. I've never been good at knowing how to act when people pass. Tomorrow, when best buds #s 1 and 2 show up to drop their dog Gabby off for me to doggysit while they're gone, I will hug them, I will tell them to have a safe trip, and I will wish them Godspeed.

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